Slow News Day
around here so let’s check out what’s happening in the South of France. I’m talking about Cannes, y’all! Every year about this time, actors, directors and looky looks from the world over gather together to talk shit about what people are wearing celebrate film! But that’s for fine, upstanding people who drink with their pinky fingers sticking out. Not trash like us! Let’s talk some shit about the clothes, all right?
Poor Diane Kruger here got tangled up in the shower curtain on her way out of the hotel. Look, I think her hair’s still wet! But at least she had the good sense to throw on some big ass diamond earrings with her shower curtain.
Tilda Swinton won an Oscar a few years ago, but she is too polite to mention it. Not that she has to, since she’s dressed like an Oscar statuette.
I don’t know 1) who this is 2) why she is even there or 3) why she seems to have wings coming out of her back. I only know one thing for sure: she is probably going to be late for her ice dancing lesson.
Frieda Pinto is beautiful, truly. What possessed her to wear something that makes her look flat chested and hippy, I have no idea. She seems like a sweet girl. Maybe she is just giving the plain girls a fighting chance.
I was going to say something about Diane Kruger’s naughty cheerleader laceup dress, but all I can think is, “Dude, when did Ewan McGregor start turning into David Bowie?”
And finally, here is the Belle of the Ball, the Queen of the Prom, the freaking Goddess of the Cannes Film Festival. It is…74 year old Jane Fonda!
Holy crap, can you believe how HOT she looks? I LOVE this dress, her body is killer and I love the “suck on this, bitches” look she is throwing down. Bow down, y’all.
Mother’s Day Is Coming Up!
And I am NOT one of those moms who just say, “Oh, don’t get me anything. I have everything I want!” I call bullshit on that. That, my dears, is what is called a guilt trip and if you are dumb enough to fall for it (i.e., show up without a gift) then you deserve whatever raging inferno of hell is about to rain down upon you.
I am much easier to buy for. Not only do I tell my kids what I want, I very helpfully post a photo for them to take to shopping! I’m super courteous, right? And this year, I could not resist a truly awesome gift. Ladies and gentlemen, I present The F*ck The Rain Umbrella!
Wicked way to stand out in the crowd, huh? Mama likes!
Peace Out, MCA.
A sad day for hip hop fans. Adam Yauch, better known as MCA of the Beastie Boys, has passed away. He had been battling cancer for some time now, but still this is a shocker. He was only 47 years old and leaves behind a wife and young daughter. He will be remembered by many for a variety of things, his music, his political activism and his love for humanity but I will always remember him for being in one of the most hilariously badass videos of all time.
Damn, that looks like fun. RIP, Adam.
Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Pretty Girls!
It’s a tough call, but this is definitely one of my all time favorite Stones songs. I love the overall feel of it and the guys definitely had some funk back after wandering around in a drug induced wilderness for years but the lyrics just kill me every time.
“Am I hard enough? Am I rough enough? Am I rich enough?”
Two out of three, Mick. Two out of three.
Let’s Do The Time Warp Again!
Come on hipsters, it’s time to dust off the Beatle boots and channel your inner Twiggy because that fab 60s sound is back again! These darlings are The Silver Factory and their jangle pop is so righteous you’ll swear it was 1966! And yes, I would knock that girl down and steal every one of her outfits.
Super groovy, lads!
Kick Out The Jams, Manufacturers!!!
You never need a reason to play the MC5, am I right? God, these guys rocked hard. And Rob Tyner had the most impressive white boy afro of ALL TIME. That is a thing of beauty. It should have its own zip code, solar system and satellites.
But this always makes me think of a story. A friend of mine went to visit a co-worker when said co-worker’s 3 year old son bursts in saying, “Hi, motherfuckers!” My friend laughed nervously, but the co-worker repeatedly insisted that he was trying to say “manufacturers.” Huh, really? What gave it away? That copy of US News & World Report tucked into his Pull Ups?
Trust Me On This.
SPRING BREAK!
Sorry I’ve been MIA lately, but it was Spring Break! Oh, that magical time of year when you can take a well deserved vacay with the family and contemplate the joys of parenthood. Hey, here are my adorable little munchkins now!
Because really, they grow up so fast, don’t they?
And This Son, Is Why Rock And Roll Beats Football.
Every fucking time. You’re welcome.
A Day In The Life Of Iggy!
So the London Times ran this fascinating little piece in which Our Lord and Savior, Iggy Pop, hips us on what he does each day:
7:30 a.m.: Juice and Cuban coffee.
9:30 a.m.: Look at Koi Pond, listen to waterfall, look at clouds.
10:30 a.m.: 1/2 hour of Qigong.
11:00 a.m.: Breakfast (fruit, cheese, maybe a bagel)
11:30 a.m.: Look at email, but don’t answer them.
Noon: Iggy usually doesn’t eat lunch. Surprised?
1:00 p.m.: Shower. Apply moisturizer or leather polish to skin. Lament that it’s in vain.
2:00 p.m.: Read New York Times, books, etc.
3:00 p.m.: Lose mind listening to music.
5:00 p.m.: 15 more minutes of exercise then dress for dinner. If dinner is at home, Iggy prefers to wear only a smoking jacket and slippers. Iggy will also indulge in a couple of glasses of Claret, a dark, rose wine.
10:00 p.m.: (or earlier): Bed
Amazing. Seriously, if you replace “look at Koi Pond” with “go to my shitty ass day job” we could be living parallel lives! Except I might take license with a “couple” of glasses of wine. Just sayin.
One thing is funny, though. I love that Iggy “prefers to wear only a smoking jacket and slippers” to dinner. Does that mean no underwear? Maybe some thing never do change!
