You are the next contestant on Politics: You’re Doing it Wrong!
I have been following the stories on the teevee news about how Toronto mayor Rob Ford might be a) a crackhead, b) a Drunkie McDrunkerson, and c) a complete raving lunatic. I ask you, how easy can it be to run Toronto? Pretty darn easy, when it remains one of the nicest cities in the world despite the Mayor running around saying things like:
“I do not use crack cocaine, nor am I an addict of crack cocaine. As for the video, I cannot comment on something which I have never seen or does not exist.” Wait, does it not exist or have you just not seen it? CONFUSING. Anyway, after video shows up of him huffing off a crack pipe, he said:
“Yes, I have smoked crack cocaine. Probably in one of my drunken stupors, probably approximately a year ago.” Okaaaay. And here is Rob Ford in a secretly taped phone conversation with an unknown person.
“What does Oxycontin go for on the street, so I have an idea?” Well come on, EVERYONE wants to know what Oxycontin goes for on the street, right? And when asked if he had been hiding out from the press in the wake of the scandal, he said:
“It’s hard to hide 300 pounds of fun!” It’s even harder when said 300 pounds of fun is smoking a big old crack pipe in public. Just saying.
Finally folks, here it is. Kitten’s #1, Super Fantastic, All Time Favorite Political Quote EVER. When asked to respond to a former staffer’s allegation that Ford said he wanted to “eat her pussy”, he says this:
“I’m happily married. I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.”
Now isn’t this just what every girl dreams her husband is saying at press conferences? Based on that quote, I can only surmise that either Rob Ford is a cracked out idiot, or his wife has a vagina the size of a 1977 Buick.
You stay classy, Rob Ford!
So, Saturday night the mister and I put some newspaper and bowls of kid chow on the floor and headed downtown! Johnny Marr, y’all! And the man did not disappoint. He did play some old Smiths gems, but they were woven in through his new stuff WHICH IS AMAZING. Have a listen:
That’s The Marr himself walking around Manchester to the tune of New Town Velocity. I never saw The Smiths, but this show was catchy, upbeat and filled me with HAPPY. And yes, he is even better than you might imagine. I always assumed that those wild sounds he coaxed out of his guitar were partially sound engineering pyrotechnics, but it is all Johnny. Bless.
Courtesy SNL. Start clearing a place for that Emmy, Edward Norton.
Regular readers know I think Morrissey is a whiny, pretentious asshole. The Smiths were great, but honey, anybody who can halfway carry a tune would sound great with genius Johnny Marr playing guitar for them. OBVIOUSLY.
So now Morrissey is retiring from music because he is tired of getting older and no longer being a smoking hot sex machine (as previously discussed here.) But don’t fret! He has written a book about his favorite subject — Morrissey!
I guess it’s not surprising that he’s such a narcicist. I mean here’s the cover of his book: