Am Embarrassment Of Riches.
After recently posting about Noel Gallagher, it occurred to me that the little wanker is probably a goldmine of snark. So I did a quick search and my search engine basically went ASPLODIE. Here are a few highlights, or are they lowlights? You be the judge!
On the Backstreet Boys: “They should be shot. Next question.”
On Keane: “I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try, they’ll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into his cock people would go ‘Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night.’ ”
On his brother Liam: “He’s rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup.”
On Liam: “I read these interviews with him and I don’t know who the guy is. He seems really cool, but the guy I’ve been in a band with for 18 years is a fucking knob.”
On credibility: “Jack White has done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He’s supposed to be the poster boy for alternative thinking…I’m not having that, that’s fucking wrong. Particularly Coca-Cola, it’s like doing a fucking gig for McDonald’s.”
On drugs: “Didn’t go to rehab like all me mates. Fucking lightweights.”
On U2: “Play ‘One’, shut the fuck up about Africa.”
On Liam imitating John Lennon: “He was talking in a Scouse accent for three days and told me I should refer to him as ‘John.’ I said ‘I just prefer cunt, man.’ ”
On Bloc Party: “They’re a bunch of middle class kids trying to rebel against mum and dad. They sit atop an apex of shit.”
Noel Gallagher, come on down! You are the next contestant on COME SIT BY ME! I am literally counting the seconds until I can tell someone they “sit atop an apex of shit.” You may be a comic genius.