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SXSW The Day After: The Road To Hell Is Paved With Hung Over Musicians

March 24, 2011

For those of you playing along at home, we were practically thrown out of the Easy Tiger after The Cynics played.  Seriously.  The guy on the PA was saying “Leave now!  What the fuck are you waiting for?”  I immediately countered with “Hey, I’ve been thrown out of better places than this!”  And you know what?  I have!

So there was not much action after that.  We just went back to the hotel, had a glass of wine, talked shit about Kim Thayil and his crazypants girlfriend and crashed.  The next morning, we were awakened way too early by rowdy musicians outside in the swimming pool.  OK, I get that you’re from NYC, but dude, it’s too fucking cold to swim.  So we were a bit annoyed when they would jump in and then scream like little girls.  Also, what are you doing AWAKE?  Are you up early or STILL UP?  Never mind, I don’t want to know…

We did manage to get some killer Tex Mex before hitting the road, because as every good drunkie knows, refried beans made with REAL LARD is the only cure for a hangover.  Duh.

Now road trip back to Dallas, or as we call it, The Three Hour Tour.  I mean, what could go wrong on a Three Hour Tour?  Did you say “Uhh, everything?”  Well, right you are because this was an ass whipping of mythic proportions.  Odysseus had an easier time getting back to Ithaca than we had getting from Austin to Dallas.  There was apparently some horrific accident but the only evidence we saw of it was the fact that it took us 2 hours to go approximately 40 miles.  Some geniuses decided to jump ship and hightail it to the access road, which was moving faster until…you crossed the next hill and there was a highway patrolman giving every single one of them a ticket!  Ha!  I don’t know what shithole town we were in at that point, but they sure got a windfall from all those tickets.  We’ll probably be able to figure it out next year when Backwater, Texas, Pop. 5 has a new airport, opera house and water park.

Finally we make it back to Dallas and the poor sucker, I mean nice lady, who watched our kids was shall we say VERY relieved to see us.  Oh, haven’t I told you about our daughter?  This should give you a good idea what awaited us.

Back to reality, y’all.

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