OK, so it’s not Masterpiece Theatre. I watch True Blood. I can admit it. It’s mostly just vampiry, werewolfy, waitressy fun but occasionally they sneak in a little moral on you. This week? Not so heavy on the moralizing, but it was Halloween in Bon Temps and one of my favorite characters, perky waitress Arlene, had the BEST LINE EVER:
Arlene to her kids on Halloween:
“You better start behaving yourselves right now or you’re gonna be trick or treating down at the trailer park again. Now do you want a bag of empty Coors cans and food stamps? Or do you want candy? It’s your choice!”
Marry me, Arlene! Bear in mind that Arlene is raising a serial killer’s devil baby, is married to a PTSD suffering Iraqi War veteran who keeps his pet armadillo under the bed and was a slave to a crazy ass Maenad that one time. What is a Maenad, you ask? Here are a couple:
They are female followers of Dionysus, the god of wine and revelry. They party like rock stars and have no conscience about leaving their kids with their husbands while they get down and get funky with their bad selves. Also, we generally meet once a month at The Office Lounge for cocktails and gossip. Ahem. I mean, they are FICTIONAL CREATURES, duh.
Suffice to say, Arlene has had it UP TO HERE, Y’ALL with whiny ass bitches, even if she did give birth to them. And full disclosure? I am totally using that line on my kids this Halloween.