Award Show Season!
That’s right folks, it’s Award Show Season! A time when we can come together as a country and make fun of celebrities. Because it’s mean to make rude comments about our fellow losers, but rich actors and actresses? TOTALLY FAIR GAME, RIGHT?? Let’s get the party started!
This One Sleeve Bullshit. I have no idea when this awful trend started amping up like it was on meth, but it needs to end now. It’s not flattering, it’s just confusing. No cleavage? What the hell did you buy those boobs for anyway if you can’t whip them out on special occasions? Makes no sense.
Don’t even get me started on the Mullet Dress of Emotional Doom. You can wear a mini skirt or a maxi skirt, but you have to choose. I’m sorry but this is fashion. It’s not like being bisexual.
And finally, The Sequined Jumpsuit. No, it doesn’t need a snippy, derogatory title because it’s A FREAKING JUMPSUIT. Look, are you Joan Collins? No of course you are not because if you were, you would be off making out with your oily 25 year old boyfriend and drinking cocktails on a yacht somewhere off the coast of Greece, not at this goofy award show. So in summary, if you are not Joan Collins, put on a damn dress. This is not something mere mortals can pull off, all right?
OK, one last thing. Hey Angelina! Eat a sandwich. You could slice bread with those shoulder bones.