The 54th Annual GRAMMY Awards – Red Carpet
I did not watch the Grammys because, well, they suck ass. Truly. I love music but I generally hate all the acts that win Grammys. There are a few exceptions but they are exactly that. FEW and EXCEPTIONS. This year I especially wanted to avoid them after Whitney Houston bought the farm. I mean, ok, sad. But seriously? Look at Syria for a second, or Egypt, or any other number of horrific things going down and let’s get some perspective, all right? All right.
OK, now that I’ve lectured everyone for being so shallow, let’s do the responsible thing. Talk shit about fashion! No irony here. Women tend to think because it’s the Grammys, they can be a little more lax about how they look. Fair enough, but you don’t get to show up looking like a shit sandwich topped with a dollop of cray-cray and not get called out. Example:
You, Katy Perry, look like a blueberry snow cone in a mother of the bride dress. If this is what being divorced has done to you, call Russell. Jeez.
Rihanna, we need to talk. That dress is fantastic and your body is bangin’, but what is the deal with your hair? It’s either some godawful color or it looks like you just got out of the pool. I’ve seen golden retrievers with better hair. Put some effort into it, ok?
FERGIE! This is just a big, steaming cup of WTF. Look, I saw the pictures of you pissing yourself at a concert. I’ve heard the stories of your meth addiction. I have seen and heard enough of your personal issues to last 2 lifetimes. I DO NOT need to see your ladybits.
Robyn, I have three questions for you. First, who are you? Second, what the fuck is wrong with you? Third…no, I think that about covers it.
Well, let’s end this on a positive note, shall we?
Corinne Bailey Rae, I love you. You always manage to look classy and hot, which is harder than it seems. I want to hang out with you at a cool cafe, sipping red wine and eating tapas while we discuss the best sex we ever had and which Golden Girl is our favorite. You just seem chic and sweet and I bet you have the BEST SHOES. Call me.