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The Book of Morrissey (as sung by Morrissey!)

October 17, 2013

Regular readers know I think Morrissey is a whiny, pretentious asshole.  The Smiths were great, but honey, anybody who can halfway carry a tune would sound great with genius Johnny Marr playing guitar for them.  OBVIOUSLY.

So now Morrissey is retiring from music because he is tired of getting older and no longer being a smoking hot sex machine (as previously discussed here.)  But don’t fret!  He has written a book about his favorite subject — Morrissey!

I guess it’s not surprising that he’s such a narcicist.  I mean here’s the cover of his book:

Morrissey autobiography design by TiberiusGracchus

I’m A Rainbow With You…

October 16, 2013

 

 

Finley Quaye’s sublime masterpiece “Sunday Shining.”  Happy hump day!

Spoiler Alert: Your Boyfriend is an Asshole.

September 26, 2013

sandwiches

Holy shit, people.  Have you SEEN this story?

The short version: New York Post Page Six senior writer Stephanie Smith revealed in an essay on Wednesday that she’s the author of 300sandwiches.com, a blog about a woman whose relationship with her boyfriend apparently hinges on her making him a sandwich every day. When she reaches 300, she’ll get an engagement ring. (Isn’t that charming?)

Smith details how that came to pass:

Each morning, he would ask, “Honey, how long you have been awake?”

“About 15 minutes,” I’d reply.

“You’ve been up for 15 minutes and you haven’t made me a sandwich?” …

One lazy summer afternoon just over a year ago, I finally gave in. …

Eric devoured the sandwich … “Babes, this is delicious!” he exclaimed.

As he finished that last bite, he made an unexpected declaration of how much he loved me and that sandwich: “Honey, you’re 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!” …

Maybe I needed to show him I could cook to prove that I am wife material. If he wanted 300 sandwiches, I’d give him 300 sandwiches — and I’d blog about it.

And blog she has since June 2012, chronicling her bready journey to true love with recipes and beautiful food photography that’s “attracted attention from culinary world icons such as Emeril Lagasse, Michael White and Ken Friedman,” according to the New York Post. (Can a coffee-table sandwich cookbook be far behind?)

I just want to reach through my laptop, take Sandwich Lady by the hand and have a nice, long chat, which will go something like this.

Me:   “Eric is an asshole.  Leave him.”

SL:     “NO!  Eric is wonderful.  He just has this hangup about sandwiches, which is honestly kind of cute.”

Me:    “It is honestly fucked up, sexist, degrading and you are a fucking idiot for co-signing his bullshit.”

SL:     “Look, I appreciate what you are saying but you don’t know him.  Plus, I need to go because it’s Sandwich Thirty.”

Me:    “You are going nowhere.  Eric does not deserve sandwiches and he certainly doesn’t deserve any nookie.”

SL:      “But he might be HUNGRY!”

Me:     “A good punch to the throat will take care of that.”

Honestly, what is up with some people?  Raise your hands if you think marrying this dick is a good idea.  NO HANDS, am I right?  So there you go, Sandwich Lady (who will henceforth be known as Pushover Patty).  Welcome to the rest of your horrible life.

OK, That’s It.

September 19, 2013

I am so broke these days my cash flow is starting to border on the surreal.  I am preparing for some cashier at the grocery store to give me the stink eye and ceremoniously cut up my credit card!

So I am pulling out the big guns.  Here is Family of the Year performing “St. Croix”, which is just pure musical Ecstasy.  If this doesn’t get you on the dance floor, you’ve got lead in your ass.

You’re welcome.

I Find Myself Thinking This WAY Too Often.

September 6, 2013

hangovers

 

 

What I lack in wealth and beauty, I make up for in rock and roll trivia.

Color Me Impressed.

August 27, 2013

Not about to let The Stone Roses get all the reunion attention, my SECOND FAVORITE BAND EVER jumps into the fray!  That’s right, The Replacements are at it again after a hiatus of 22 years.  I ask you, what is it about bands I love?  They put out a few good records and then decide to take up painting, start a Barbie collection or just whatever batshit idea pops into their head.  IS IT ME??  Because if so, I need to renounce my fangirling of a couple of new bands.  (Don’t do this to me, Cloud Nothings!  I am as fragile as a teacup right now.)

 

Anyway, The Replacements didn’t go full Stone Rose and get the whole band back together.  It would have been pretty much impossible without a Ouija board since Bob Stinson left us in 1995 (RIP, Bob).  It was Paul Westerberg and Tommy Stinson with a couple of friends to round out the band.  Drummer Chris Mars was MIA, but I wasn’t surprised.  There was no love lost between him and Paul, and he’s got his successful painting career.  See what I mean?  What is it with the fucking painting musicians?  Anyway, here are The Replacements just killing it with the fantastic song “Alex Chilton”.  For those of you who don’t know, Alex Chilton was a real person.  He was the guy in The Box Tops who wrote the classic song “The Letter”.  When he was all of 16 years old.  If that doesn’t make you feel like a loser, I don’t know what will.

 

 

Fantastic sound!  And just to show how revered The Replacements were/are, Iggy and The Stooges played just before them.  BEFORE THEM.  Amazing.

Speaking of Time Machines…

August 23, 2013

 

 

Here are The Stone Roses performing their classic song This Is The One about, oh, 40 years ago.  Happy Friday!